Some pints whisper promises. The Huntley's Guinness shouted them. Known for "the best pour on campus," it's the kind of drink you expect to arrive in slow motion from the RUMS gods above, harp music swelling, Irishmen and angels weeping alike. So when I saw it going for half price, I thought I'd struck the gold at the end of the rainbow — or at least, dark mahogany.
Instead, my pint arrived looking as though it had survived a minor accident on the way over. Half beer, half head, and not the good kind: thick, unsatisfying, and over far too quickly, it left me staring down at a drink that uncomfortably reminded me of my friend recalling her last relationship.
Surprisingly, it had managed to hold itself together longer than most UCL relationships and was about as rewarding (the pint, not my friend's ex). I kept waiting for it to settle into something resembling a Guinness. It never did. It sat there — self-satisfied, smug, and frothy, like a philosophy fresher who'd just discovered Nietzsche and now insists on telling you about him in the Scala smoking area.
Once I had swashbuckled my way through the insulation layer, the taste was as flat as my enthusiasm for essay deadlines. Beneath the froth, the beer was fine in the same way Wikipedia references in those same essays are fine: technically correct, emotionally unfulfilling. The bitter finish? It clung on longer than fresher's flu in November.
Still, with a faint scent of regret, I got exactly what I'd paid for: half the beer, half the price, half the dignity. Shaking off my disappointment, just as I did when told my lecture on Kant was in Birkbeck on a Friday at 9 am, I drowned myself in the pint — which was just about as Irish as me after reading a page of Wilde.
Ratings:
Froth Quality: 9/10 — A dessert topping if you like eating your beer
Value for Money: 5/10 — Half the price, half the beer
Sipability: 7/10 — As bitter as a Monday morning lab report
Vibe: "All the sources in the essay came from Wikipedia"
Overall: 4/10 (bumped to 5/10 for the audacity to actually serve this)
This article appeared in CG93